Do you believe in Spankings???

[Carmen Romero]

This is a truly tough and sensitive subject for most groups, but - My sister and I are both believers in spare the rod - We are considered by most as pro-spanking moms. We are critized, put down and sometimes put in the spot-light by many others.

There are many different views on spanking, and on both sides of the issue there are many misconceptions. This is one issue that I completely disagree with the great Dr. Phil about. I've always been a supporter of spanking children, and believe that it does not damage them emotionally or physically. Child abuse does. And one of the common misconceptions about spanking is its association with, or classification as child abuse. The two are absolutely on different planets.

For parents who choose spanking as a means of discipline, proper education is key to doing so correctly and effectively. There is much to consider, such as: when and when not to spank, how exactly to spank, consistency in spanking and other points. One important rule regarding discipline, whether it's with spanking or not, is to never discipline a child in anger. Discipline of a child has nothing to do with anger, it is all about correcting, teaching and loving the child enough to ensure that he/she will be a secure and well-rounded individual. This is the most common disciplinary mistake parents make, and when it's done with spanking, a parent walks the dangerous line where they actually could cross over into abuse. When a parent disciplines in anger, it becomes all about the parent's feelings and not at all about the offense of the child, or the lesson that needs to be taught.

Another important key to proper discipline through spanking is consistency. This form of discipline is rendered completely ineffective when used inconsistently or unpredictably. This is another common mistake parents make, then after a short time decide that "spanking doesn't work." There are certain behaviors that ,once determined will always warrant a spanking, need to be met with one every time. Within a short period of time, the child will be able to know that when choosing certain behaviors (blatant disobedience, disrespectfulness, etc) he/she is also choosing a spanking. They will then exercise control over their own behavior and choices, and this is a valuable tool for future adults to possess!

Spanking depends on the child, the offense, the intended result and how consistently it is given.

I do believe in spanking, but I know the type of parent that I am. I know that the spanking is one of many tools that we use to train behavior. That is my end result; training. What makes it easy for me is that obedience was established immediately; from the cradle. That is something I could spend pages explaining and still not do it justice. Suffice it to say, my kids respond easily to discipline.

As for how to spank, I only know what worked for me.

1. A casual swat is a waste of time. If you are just trying to get their attention, a clap, snap or word can accomplish the same thing just as easily. By the time spanking is NECESSARY, getting their attention is moot.

2. My intent behind spanking is to make sure it never happens again. I probably spanked the kids a handful of times, but each and every time I hoped it was the last. To make it memorable, I made sure it hurt. Sorry. I know other people would not agree but I believe it is kinder to be harsh once and never address it again, than to be weak over and over and over again and never accomplish anything.

3. For my kids it was always bare bum, over the knee and with my bare hand. An open hand on the bum smarts and stings, but it does not cause lasting damage. It was short and to the point. They knew what they did. We all knew the consequences. There is time to talk about it but I don't think that is the best time.

4. Never ever ever ever ever spank a kid when you are angry. If you are angry, you might lose control and cause unintended damage. If the kid believes that you are responding in anger, he will believe that being physical is an acceptable response to anger. It isn't. The spanking is for the the offense, not the emotions.

5. I never apologized for spanking my kids. I apologize when I am wrong, but my actions did not result in the spanking. Theirs did. When all was said and done, they knew that.

Someone who does the same thing over and over again and expects different results is a fool. If spanking did not work, I would not have wasted my time with it.

As the Bible tells us: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

[Akilah Palmer-Richards]

This was a very insightful post. I recently posted on my blog about the same topic, but from a lighter perspective (sort of). Feel free to check it out at HERE. I commend you for understanding the importance of not spanking in anger, and I also agree with you wholeheartedly about NEVER spanking in anger. In our household, we do not spank. We have done it once or twice, but for me, that was more about frustration than training. I also believe that it physical act does not send a clear message to my children about my intentions and expectations. Instead, we take away activities and toys. It's effective, and we have no feelings of guilt, which I had the few times I spanked. Also, I believe that opposition and "envelope-pushing" is normal behavior, so the intent is not to punish the behavior, but to show them what is socially appropriate/acceptable both in home and in a public setting.

Thanks for posting this -- very thought-provoking.